Sometimes I have a hard time trying to decide what to write about on my blog. Not that I'm afraid of sharing too much, I obviously don't have problems with that. It's more....I don't want to be too complaining. Who wants to read me rant or complain all the time? Plus, I read somewhere that you're not supposed to write stuff about work.
So a coworker of mine (me) doesn't like her job. Like hates it. It doesn't help that she thinks even less of her boss. The worst part is that everyone else at her job is awesome. So..if she quits, she doesn't get to see the awesome people that she likes working with. Especially because there are four or five of them that she would consider best friends, even a sort of family. But if she doesn't quit, it means she will go home crying to her husband complaining about how much she hates her job and how unhappy she is and how it takes every amount of energy to force her to get up and go to work. And that sometimes she lies in bed when she knows she should get up and that if she keeps lying there, she's just going to have to stay at work longer, but she can't get up because that would mean going to work. So then she rolls in at 9 or 10am and people say "oh you're late today" and she laughs and says something like "oh yeah, I was tired" because she doesn't have the heart to tell them that she's so miserable she's surprised she even made it here in the first place.
And what she wants to be doing is anything other than this. What she wants is to feel like she's useful, for once. She wants to be acknowledged for working hard. And she wants to be doing a job that she is passionate about.
Also, she's really worried about how it's affecting (or is it effecting, she can never remember) her relationship with her husband. Because while she knows her husband loves her, she's worried that he's going to get fed up with her crying or complaining night after night after night after night after night.
But at the same time, even though her husband tells her she can quit, she feels guilty because they need the money. They have bills to pay (who doesn't) and they need to eat and and and.....
So.
So she looks for work and imagines the day she gets to put in her two weeks' notice (it'd be so much more fun to walk out, but that's just rude) and hopes that she can make it until then.
What advice would you give my friend?
Oh your sweet sweet friend! I feel her pain. This is what I know - She are going to quit (or get layed off). That is a given that I am certain of - don't worry. The question is when?
ReplyDeleteAbout the family atmosphere: She can still have this even if she is not with the company. She can work on maintaining the relationship and / or develop a new family atmosphere somewhere else.
About Her: She is awesome and talented and smart and creative and beautiful. Tell her not to give up on her dreams. Things may not be so clear at the moment but she should keep moving in the direction of what she really wants and she will get there. Eventually, suddenly, things will be clearer to her.
About her husband: He loves her. He wants what is best for her. What is truly best for her is likely best for their relationship (he picked her didn't he!).
About guilt and desperation: I would suggest that she try not to make a move out of guilt ("I shouldn't quit ...") or desperation ("get me the hell out of here!!). She should make a plan, set a date, take action. Be in control and be smart about it. Even if that means leaving tomorrow.
I bet she is young ... in her twenties maybe. Live! She will be thirty soon. And forty sooner. She shouldn't waste her time miserable. But she also shouldn't be wasting her time feeling guilty and powerless at home either.
:) Thanks Jeni! You made my friend cry reading this :)
DeleteYou are so smart and your advice is perfect and so right!
Oh your poor friend. I've had moments of hating work that have come and gone.... Nothing so pervasive as your friend is describing.
ReplyDeleteWhat are the prospects of finding something else? If that two weeks notice day wasn't too far off, that might give your friend something to focus on.
Or if it's a true emergency and you have to get out, maybe you could take a transitional job, that would buy you some time to really look for the next right place, but not leave you in the lurch until you find it.
The prospects are decent, I'm open to kind of working whatever just to get by. That's what I keep thinking too-if I know the two weeks aren't far, I can survive. It's the unknowing that makes it so hard.
DeleteSomething transitional would work too I think. I have been applying to a lot of different things-a lot of them I'm too qualified so I'm afraid I get looked over. Hopefully not though.
Thanks Robin! I'm glad I'm not alone completely in the moments of hating work. I feel....like I should just suck it up or something. But I have been for the past year, so it's gotten hard.
I'm so sorry for your friend, Tara. Lots of hugs to her from me. Anytime she needs it.
ReplyDeleteI really think your friend should look for something else soon. Something that's going to make her happy. Because she's awesome and totally deserves it. I'm sure that even if she leaves, her friends-that-are-like-family will stay with her and support her.
Thanks Xae!!
DeleteGood point, they will still support her :)
I would tell your friend to start looking for something that makes her feel productive and happy. She can still see her co-workers outside of work once she gets that new, fantabulous job. And give her hugs for me, please. :-)
ReplyDeleteTrue!! Thanks Bee! I will :)
DeleteI'm so sorry! Here's my advice (only because you asked): If you need the money, I would definitely start looking for something else that you like better. It sounds like this job is starting to consume you and over run your personal life. (Been there.) Life is too short, and your family (and YOU) are what matters most. Best of luck, and I am so sorry you are going through this, errr, that your friend is.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I totally asked for advice!!
DeleteIt is definitely starting to consume me. I mean her. :) Thanks so much!
Ugh. I know someone who has been there (me) and it is SO HARD to get up and go into a job you hate. I would definitely tell her (you) to look for something else. Friends will still be your friends, no matter where you work.
ReplyDeleteIt is SO HARD! Thanks Momo, that is true. Plus, who wants to be friends with someone so miserable? :)
DeleteI'd start looking for something else right away. Life is too short to feel so unhappy about something you can actually change. There is a difference between feeling a little "meh" about a job (which happens to everyone) and disliking it so much it makes you cry and affects other aspects of your life. That's just not good for you. --Lisa
ReplyDeleteThanks! Sometimes I think that maybe I am just being a baby and that hating work is what being a grownup is all about. But I'm so glad that this is not the case!!
DeleteI'll buck the trend and tell you, to, um, tell your friend, not to quit! My friend would really miss your friend and probably stop eating lunch altogether. I assure you that what your friend does is productive and useful (although maybe not so much on a personal level).
ReplyDelete(Selfish? Yeah. Truthful? Yeah.)
My friend would miss your friend too!!
DeleteThanks for being truthful. And selfish :)
Emailed you :)
ReplyDelete:)
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